How to edit financial writing [part 3]
We’re not exactly sure what “successful and instrumental paradigms that result in industry-leading financial products” means to you, but we are sure a few of your customers’ eyes rolled back in their heads when they read it.
Wordiness and technical jargon have little place in financial marketing. They don’t make your brand look sophisticated. They confirm you don’t know how to say what you want to say — or that you’ve handed the job to an AI tool and skipped the edit.
Three editing steps that cut the bloat
Step 1: K-I-S-S
Keep It Simple. Don’t assume that clear, straightforward messaging will dumb down a product or service. It’s the other way around. Simple messaging is more direct and more powerful than clutter — especially in financial services, where complexity is often used to obscure rather than clarify.
Complex: “Our platform provides a comprehensive suite of financial tools that facilitate seamless integration and operational efficiency.”
Simple: “Our platform offers easy-to-use financial tools that save you time.”
Complex: “Utilizing our state-of-the-art algorithm, we ensure optimal investment strategies for our clients.”
Simple: “Our advanced algorithm helps clients invest wisely.”
The simple versions say the same thing in fewer words with more impact. Nothing is lost. Clarity is gained.
Step 2: 100 words to 30
100 words can almost always be pared down to 30. The exercise is not about being brief for its own sake, it’s about forcing yourself to identify what actually matters.
100 words: “There are some people who believe that ABC’s platform is instrumental to the success of their investments. Some pundits and others have told us that they use it because of how simple and easy it is to apply. It is clear that the industry has a problem. It is obvious that other companies charge too much in fees without giving the right kind of advice. Given the fact that we have tested our models beginning in the year of 2015, our successful state-of-the-art ABC algorithm offers a holistic view of life expectancy, retirement goals, personal savings, and retirement location data to tell people how to invest properly.”
30 words: “Since 2015, ABC has helped investors meet their financial goals. We consider an investor’s life expectancy, savings, retirement goals, and location data to offer personalized, low-cost advice that’s easy to understand.”
Tips for reducing word count:
- Eliminate redundancies. Remove words or phrases that repeat the same idea. “Past history” is just “history.” “Future projections” are just “projections.”
- Use active voice. Active voice is more concise and direct. “The report was written by our team” becomes “Our team wrote the report.”
- Combine sentences. Merge short, choppy sentences into one coherent statement.
Step 3: Read it aloud
The simplest editing tool available. If there’s too much information to absorb, consumers will lose interest. When a sentence or words become more than a mouthful or take a couple of breaths to finish, you know what to do. Cut it.
Read each sentence aloud and listen for parts that sound awkward or overly complex. Rephrase or cut sections that don’t flow naturally. Have someone else read your content aloud to catch anything you missed. Your ear finds what your eye skips over.
When jargon is acceptable
If you are a B2B business and your target audience is the C-suite, engineers, or technical professionals, technical identifiers may be absolutely required when it supports your sales argument. In highly specialized financial or business environments, sometimes technical language is the only precise way to say it. Fine.
But remember that in any room of executives, the grasp of jargon will vary. A more straightforward approach ensures you communicate with everyone equally. Human beings have human feelings and desires, even if they speak like robots on a Zoom call.
If you must use jargon: know your audience, define all terms, and ensure your message is clear to multiple levels of comprehension.
The AI problem
AI tools pad word count. It is one of their most consistent behaviors, and it happens for a structural reason. AI models are rewarded during training for producing complete, thorough-sounding responses. “Complete” and “thorough” translate, in practice, to longer. More qualifiers. More setup. More summary at the end of what was just written.
The specific patterns to watch for in AI financial copy:
“It is important to note that…” — deletes cleanly in almost every case.
“In many cases…” — usually hedging something that could be stated directly.
“It can be argued that…” — the model protecting itself from being wrong.
“Generally speaking…” — unnecessary preamble before a point that should just be made.
“This is particularly relevant in the context of…” — padding before a connection that should be drawn directly.
AI tools also have a jargon problem of a specific kind. They use technical financial terms with apparent confidence, sometimes correctly, sometimes not. In financial marketing, where compliance is a REAL concern, an AI tool that deploys jargon it doesn’t fully understand is a liability. Read every technical term in AI output as if you’re seeing it for the first time and verify that it’s being used correctly.
The 100-to-30 exercise is the single most useful thing you can do to tighten AI-generated financial copy. Take any AI draft, find its densest paragraph, and see how much you can cut without losing the point. The answer is usually more than you expect.
The prompt
Use this on any draft, whether yours or your AI’s, before it goes to review.
<START PROMPT>
You are a financial content editor. Your job is to reduce wordiness and remove unnecessary jargon from the text below.
Look specifically for:
– Sentences over 25 words that could be split or simplified
– Qualifying phrases that add words without adding meaning: “it’s important to note that,” “in many cases,” “it can be argued that,” “generally speaking,” “it is worth noting”
– Passive voice where active voice would be more direct
– Jargon or technical terms used where plain language would work equally well
– Two sentences that could become one without losing anything
Instructions:
1. Rewrite the text targeting a 30% reduction in word count without losing any meaning
2. Convert passive voice to active voice throughout
3. Replace or define any jargon a non-specialist reader would not immediately understand
4. Show the original word count and the revised word count at the end
Here is the text:
[PASTE YOUR TEXT HERE]
<END PROMPT>